Moments in My Life

Thank you for all your well wishes.

A quick update - his condition got better over the weekend and his appetite was back, like a usual self.  But I noticed since then, he doesn’t drink as much water as he does before.  Anyway … I am glad that he got better and was able to return to school on Monday 8/30.

Another quick update - he has started an intensive swim lesson since past Monday.  This is a 10 days 2 weeks 10 minutes a day program by Mr. Pete  at swim2pete dot com.  Mr. Pete guarantees the kids can swim after his program.  I was skeptical but I tried many classes for him but none work.  With Mr. Pete’s guarantee, I enrolled him.  And guess what?  Brandon is able to float, kick, paddle and swim to the side of the pool after 4 days of lesson.  Amazing result, I think.

Brandon is currently at home and not goint to school.  He will stay home until his HFMD is better.  The body will fight off this virus by itself and there is no treatment for this.  It will take abou 5-10 days according to his Pediatrician nurse. 

It all started when I noticed red dots on his feet.  As that day he has just return from school and I saw many tiny tree barks inside his shoes.  I thought he was allergy to the tree barks as some of them are really tiny and pointy (sharp) or may be some microscopic insect bites.  So I asked him not to scratch.  Later the same day, I saw some hives appearing on his body and hands.  Again I thought it might link to the allergy reaction he has with the tree barks or insect bites.  Then his hands had some red dots too but flat in the flesh.

The next morning when he woke up, I noticed the red dots were reduced in numbers.  Actually I did research online and thought it might be HFMD but then his mouth was fine at that time.  Later that evening, his appetite was not as good as before, and I thought it might be the food.  We had take out and it was Thai Food.  And he didn’t drink as much water as he used to.  I was wondering what was goin on.  And he was so cranky as well.  Oh boy … I thought I have a difficult child at hand. 

Yesterday, I confirmed that he has HFMD when I saw in his mouth, tiny white dots all over.  He wasn’t able to tell me that his mouth was uncomfortable or else I would have checked it earlier.  I called the doctor’s office and was told to stay home until the break out is over.  No treatment is neccesary unless he has fever or kept scratching.  She told me he doesn’t have to go in unless there is an infection on his scratches.  She also said that I can give him Generic Benadryl if he is uncomfortable with the itching. 

I’ve just heard known that this disease is very common among going to school children.  But it is the first time Brandon got it.  I don’t know if I got it when I was a child long time ago.  Oh well .. another ordeal to go through as a mother.

Tomorrow is the day again!!  My Hubby’s off Friday and also my son’s school day.  My son only goes to school from 12:20pm to 3:20pm.  I wonder what Hubby has planned for us tomorrow for that 3 hours.  hmmm … I just remember receiving an email from him while he was at work today.  He said he was goin to watch A-Team at the Starplex Woodbridge Movie 5 when Brandon is in school tomorrow.  I don’t think he will include me for that event because someone has to pick up the little one from school at 3:20pm and the 2 hours movie will only start at 1:50pm.  Apalah! 

I came back here and realized that I didn’t update this blog for a week already.  Time creeps up so fast.  And week by week it just goes by.  Lately, I don’t seem to be able to find enough time on daily basis to finish the things I need to do.  I have a lot of things to blog about but I have no time to type them out.

A quick update on us:

My son started pre-school on July 29th.  And he goes to the school 4 times a week on Mon, Tue, Thurs and Friday from 12:20pm to 3:20pm.  It usually takes me about 10 minutes to get to the school’s parking area.  Then I park the car, walk him to the school and wait for the teachers to come out and take the class inside with them.  Then I walk back to my car and drive away.  If I go home right away, it will be a 30 minutes round trip.  But most of the time, I will stop by to do some errand here and there.  Usually I have a good 1.5 hour at home before having to leave again to pick him up. 

My Hubby is busy as always.  It seems to me he is only not too busy one week out of the month.  This is funny conversation I had with him recently.

Me: “This week you busy ah?”
Hubby: “Yes, this week is closing week for the month.”
Me: “But we are in the middle of the month now.”
Hubby: “Ya, they pushed the closing to a week later.”
Me: “But last week you were busy too.”
Hubby: “Last week busy because we were preparing for this week closing.”
Me: “Ehh, but then you told me the week of Aug 23rd to 29th you won’t be able to leave work because is the closing.”
Hubby: “That is the closing week mar.”
Me: “Just close only then close again so fast??!?!”
Hubby: *silence*

So ya, he is always busy.

And about me? Been moody lately because I don’t seem to be able to finish anything I wanted to. Still have things to unpack and I don’t know when I will get into those. There is always cleaning needed around this house. So much dust! We have been eating at home a lot (a lot of cooking and washing dishes) because we had too much eating out when my sister and nephew were here. Trying to settle in is not easy. It will be a long way more before I really feel 100% settled in at this place.

Today is Friday 8/6/10.  It is my Hubby’s Friday off from work.  Many of you already know that he works 9/80, meaning he works 9 days for two weeks (with one Friday off) with a total of 80 hours.  Anyway … my son started pre-school last Thursday.  He goes to school Mon, Tue, Thurs and Friday, from 12:20pm to 3:20pm. 

We can say that today is a special day for the two adults in the house, ME and Hubby. Because after we dropped him off at his pre-school, it is OUR time for that almost 3 hours. When we got back to the car from the pre-school, I asked Hubby where he wanted to go with just the two of us … guess what he said?

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Let’s go to Dick’s Sporting Goods!! So we went there for our ‘pak tor’ before heading home.

Wanting to be a better parent is not an overnight change.  It takes a long time and you have to stick to what you are doing religiously.  Now we are in Part 3.  There were two topics we discussed in the class this evening - transition and the ‘when-then’ statement. During the class, the facilitator stressed on ‘How to get attention in socially appropriate ways’. So how do the kids know what is the appropriate ways? We have to teach them by modeling to them by interaction between the people in your household.

Transition
This is good to use when you are trying to get a child to move from one activity to another. It may be difficult to adapt to change immediately but if you prepare them ahead of time, hopefully it will be easier. It works like a warning to them and with that warning, they will know what is coming up next.

Here are some examples: (get down to their eye level to communicate with them)
“Brandon, in 5 minutes it will be time for bed.”
“Brandon, in 10 minutes we will all sit by the dining table and have dinner together.”

You can always test them to see if they get your message by asking question immediately after you gave them the transition.
Mom: “Brandon, in 5 minutes it will be time for bed.”
Brandon: “OK.”
Mom: “What are we goin to do in 5 minutes?”
Brandon: “Time for bed?”
Mom: “Wow, you have a good memory!” (praise for good behavior)

When-then Statement
Do you want your child to grow up having responsible behaviors? Of course we do. But how do we teach them to be responsible? We can give them chores to do, have them help during dinner time, or any simple chores around the house that appropriate for the child’s age.

Responsibility –> Priviledge/Reward

This is like a roadmap. When you do this and then you will get this. This will also teach the child ‘delayed gratification‘. Isn’t it good for the child to learn not be able to get what he/she wants instantly? That’s delayed gratification. Remember this, food, clothing, shelter and love cannot be used as a reward or priviledge. These are what we refered to as entitlement. The facilitator mentioned that with food as reward, it is a bit tricky and depending on the situation. He said he usually offer to ’share’ an ice-cream with the child instead of giving the child the whole ice-cream. In that way, the child learns to share food with another person.

Here are some example of the when-then statements:

Child: “I want to eat ice-cream.”
Mom: “When you finished your dinner, then you can have ice-cream.”

Child: “I want to go outside.”
Mom: “When you pick up all your toys, then you can go outside.” You have to find a reward/priviledge that enticing to your child. You know your child best. And if he kept asking for ice-cream before he finishes the food, you have to mean what you say and kept repeating over and over again the same statement. Do not negotiate with them. When you open your room for negotiation, the child will know and he/she may do it again the next time.

First few times, you need to set up a when-then statement that has high probability of working so that the child understand what it means. There are plenty of opportunities for you to use this when-then statement, but sometimes you just don’t know it. So pay more attention to your child and whenever he/she is asking for certain things, try to sneek in the when-then statement. Eventually, you will find yourself using this more and more each day.

Continue to spend a special time each day with your child, it doesn’t have to be long. It is the quality that counts and not the quantity. Also remember to catch them being good and praise them for that good behavior.

Let me share what I picked up from the class today.

Special time with your child
One of our homework from last week was to spend approximately 10-20 minutes a day with our child/ren doing what they love to do. To do this, we have to use the ‘Think, Plan and Do’ approach. We set a side a time of the day to spend with him/her. Then we ask the child what they want to do. Sometimes a child may not have a set thing that he/she likes that moment, so we can help to give them a choice. We have to ask them questions, and let them make the decision and the rules.

Example:
Adult: “Hey, Amy, do you want to do something together?”
Child: “Ya.”
Adult: “What do you want the both of us to do during this time?”
Child: “I don’t know.”
Adult: “Well, do you want to play the dolls or bake cookies?”
Child: “Play dolls.”
Adult: “OK, what do we need?”
Child: “Teddy bear, Barbie, Ken, Mrs. duck …”
Adult: “Now, we have to set some rules when we are playing with dolls right?”
Child: “Ya.”
Adult: “What rules do you think we should adopt while playing?”
Child: “Taking turns?”
Adult: “Good idea! We can take turns with the doll house.”

The important part of this exercise is to pay attention to your child, building trust and intimacy. When we talk or having conversation with them, we also have to be descriptive about things we want them to do.

Paying attention on good behaviors
Kids love attention. According to the psychologist, kids will do anything to get your attention - throwing tanturm, behaving badly, and such. So main idea for this exercise is to promote how to get attention in socially appropriate ways.

First, pay attention how you and your spouse interact. Kids model the parents. So, if you want them to say please and thank you, practising those with your spouse will be a good start. Next thing is to pay attention to their good behaviors and praise and reward them. Again, be descriptive. Also watch your tone and be enthusiastic on it.

Adult: “Kelly, you are such a good girl to be sharing your blue train with Ethan.”

Adult: “Boy, you went to the bathroom yourself? Way to go buddy!”

Parents’ Meeting
Spend a few minutes each week to discuss with your spouse or the other caretakers of your child/ren on what you hope to achieve in the next week. Take it slowly. Things don’t happen overnight. You can talk about the values that you would like your child to have or the rewards to give. Give each other a pat on their back to tell them they are doing a good job. It helps.

I dislike screaming and smacking my child.  Honestly, who does??  I want a happy child and always listen, follow rules, taking turns, being nice to others, etc. etc. etc.  You know what I mean. 

My style of parenting properly mirroring how I was brought up.  But I want to change that.  I don’t want to hear me shouting with a screaming child in the house.  So what did I do?  I signed up with CUIDAR.  The program is also refered to as COPE Intervention.  And guess what?  This 10 weeks program is FREE! 

The The COPE Parent Education Program
This free 10-week course, called Community Parent Education (COPE), was designed to teach valuable parenting skills. Research has shown that not only do parents enjoy participating in the classes we offer, but the COPE curriculum is also extremely effective.The COPE approach to teaching parenting skills uses active, small-group discussions among parents to help them identify their goals and desired approaches to parenting. Group leaders foster discussions that help participants develop, practice, and strengthen the skills that will allow them to achieve their goals as effective parents.

By the end of the series of sessions, parents should have the tools they need to help their preschoolers prepare for their school-aged years. It is time well-invested as the skills parents learn can greatly relieve stress in the home and enhance their confidence as an effective parent.  (CUIDAR.com)

It is very nice that the program is offered here in Orange County.  I didn’t find out about this until I moved here.  Back in Gardena, I don’t even know if such program/class exists.  Actually, I have to thank my friend, whom told me about it and when I saw the new session of the program was starting, I call to register.  I was a bit disappointed when told that I was on the waiting list as there are many parents who signed up.  Fortunately, two days later they called me and told me I am in.  And I can even bring my son to their class.

The program is 10 weeks.  And we are currently in the 2nd week.  My son doesn’t go into the same room as I do.  He goes to another class next door to learn new things.  Things that he will learn from his class - paying attention, learns to stop, look and listen.  As for me, hopefully by end of the 10 weeks, I will be a better parent than I am today. 

The 1st week was more like an introduction.  We introduced ourselves and told everyone what we expect to gain from this program after the 10 weeks.  I will probably write another post on other things that happened during that class.

I am becoming insane more and more everyday.  All because of my son.  Everything I tell him to do, his answer is, “No!”  Then he kept repeatingly asking the same ‘why’ questions over and over again.  I told him the answers gazillion times, he still asks me.  *pulling hair* 

And the worst is whenever I sense that he needs to go to the bathroom, he always says, “NO!”  But I always bring him to the toilet and he would be so rush and sometimes wet his pant before I pull down his pants.  Why can’t you just tell me that you need to go to the bathroom???  And he has been wetting his bed quite frequently now at night.  At least once a week.